Imperfectly Perfect - A mom-daughter bond
A few years back I remember when mom would come to my place she would just go like why is the linen not folded and kept in cupboards, why a stack of books is on girls study table and why do you people eat all junk food when you can have anything at home. I would just go berserk and tell her patiently Maa why don’t you chill, the house help will take care of everything.
She would turn and look at me with her not so big eyes and say if the household help had to do it .. I would not be here pointing out and then the entire attention would fall on the poor house help to whom I would wink and just tell her to not get bugged. I know my mom, she can nag anyone. When I would return in the evening from office she would just be like ...ohh you must be so tired let me make you a cup of tea, what did you have to eat, why don’t you take home made lunch and she would start with her boisterous concern. At that moment I would tell her, Maa why do you have to be like that she would just be like fine if you don’t like my asking anything will not. Then I would get those two pair of eyes piercing me through with their stare conveying; how can you talk to Maa like that and you tell us to not to answer back when we say something to you.
I then give my side of story to them that I am not answering back just that I am not in the mood to have that shower of concern or a string of complaints something like why is a string of cobwebs hanging on the wall.
I would see my younger one chit chatting with her granny, they'd be busy with new hairstyles that my daughter would have seen on YouTube and she would try them on her granny I see that bond between them where I am not included or I should say needed. If my mom had to go for some brunch or maybe meet her friends she would then want her hair to be straightened or styled so that she looks that prim and proper with her lips glossed. She can wear those startling colors on her dress which I would never even dare to think about but mind you .. I can say not a word to her because then it again comes to that I am being "rude".
And now If I analyse I see myself reflected in my daughters.. the way we have our agreeing and disagreeing moments.. where I can nag them for hours particularly on that same stack of books on their study or bundle of clothes lying on their bed..and Then I get to hear the same thing mom why are you stressing yourself on this, the house help will do it.
There would be time’s when I would just tell my elder daughter why did you cut your hair so short or show my shock when she chopped off her younger sister’s long hair to shoulder length. Such a irony this is,
but I cherish these moments. I just wonder have I brought them up well and did I spend the right amount of time with them or do they remember the kind of board games we played, how many barbie dolls necks they broke just to get a new one, when they got bored with the one they had, now that they are grown up into adult just hope they make right choices which may go wrong but that’s okay.
The hardest part is to hold yourself from giving all sorts of advise so that they don’t go wrong.
But I realized, we as mothers or daughters have to believe in our strengths and let go off the fear that anything can go wrong.
Even if it does let them learn from their mistakes.
Absolutely...Jawesome....The simple way that i see it is.....say what U want to say....not to scold but to remind in a polite way....we all in due course of time realize that when the time comes..."my Mom used to tell me everyday" .... that's when each one realizes & lets just say things cause we feel & let them take it or leave it & realize in due course of time... Bless U for being what U are...
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